At this time in my life I am having a bit of an identity crisis. I look in the mirror and wonder where I went. I used to be so out going. I loved parties and pubs, loud music and crowds. Yes I got older, but that was not so long ago. 
About 10 years ago I was at my job in a supermarket. I was the night supervisor at the front end. As I was sorting out a workmate on her register I was approached by a male. I had seen him the day previous, he worried me as he was buying a knife, which he abandoned after he found two dollars on the floor and announced proudly that he had found it and we weren't getting it back (weird). I turned and asked if I could help him, that's when he asked for all the money from the til. I asked if he was carrying any weapons or if he would hurt anyone. He said no so I turned to the girl on the register and told her to give him the money. That's where it all went wrong. She didn't find him threatening so she said no. Policy dictated that I hand him the money regardless, but she was not going to give it to him. He then started to get agitated. I had to do something and not knowing where any of the panic buttons were I called out to the girl in the liquor department to call for the management. The male proceeded to enter the liquor department and harass the server in there. I had also called for management and was on the phone to the police. At this stage I was quite shaken, but still in control of what I was doing. The male was removed from the store but continued to pace back and forth outside. As the police were only minutes up the road I did not worry too much as I assumed they would be there soon. In the mean time the male reentered the store and walked up to the service counter where I was serving a customer. As the til opened he flicked out a knife at me and demanded I give him the money. This is were things became hazy for me. I remember jumping backwards to avoid getting cut. After that he took cash, even gave some to the customer who was standing at the counter stunned, got himself a newspaper and left. I am happy to say he was apprehended shortly after the incident. He was given a good behaviour bond and released back to the town I was living in. 
After the robbery it was like something broke. I started having panic attacks, I could no longer do my job. I would like to say that it was just the PTSD and I eventually recovered. I have gone from an outgoing, working person to someone that hardly goes outside. My psychologist explained to me that over a life time there is only so much a person can take, eventually everyone has there snapping point and I had reached mine. 
There are some parts of me that I don't miss, what I do miss is feeling like I am a part of society. I can't seem to keep a job, loud noises increase my anxiety, I used to enjoy a drink with friends now it doesn't agree with me and pubs are fun but its exhausting for me. I make excuses to not go out sometimes, either that or I am just not feeling up to being around people. The old me is just gone. I guess I need to find a new identity, but that's not as easy as it sounds.  As per usual though I will push forward and remember that tomorrow is a new day. 

Naomi <3

To sleep, per chance to dream....

Well sleep my evil nemesis (haha) one day I will beat you. I have slipped a little getting back into a routine, so it is time to be hard on myself and kick some sleepy butt. A life time of bad habits is so hard to break. I have always found it easier to just stay up at night and emerge sometime in the early afternoon. This, however is not a healthy way of life. I miss out on the sunshine so I have low vitamin D levels all the time. This in turn causes a whole heap of other health issues. It would help if I wasn't such a hermit as well. Having said all this I have set a time that I must get up regardless and I am determined to stick to it this time. No snooze button, no going back to bed and no middle of the day napping. Lets see how I go this time around.