In Brief...

Well this is my first post and I'm hoping that at least one person will read it. HAHA. A little about me, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. What does this mean? Well its a label and I try not to let it define who I am and what I do. I have problems understanding why I act a certain way and connecting those actions to my thoughts and feelings. There is a constant battle in my head currently because I know what I am feeling and thinking is not quite right, but I'm still doing things that are wrong. I yell or get angry at people and feel totally justified at that moment, but later I will look back and realise I over reacted or I wasn't being fair. It is quite an alienating mental issue for me as people don't understand my moods or my actions and they are well within their rights, I don't even understand them. In order to understand other peoples feelings I tend to place myself in their shoes and think about how I would feel.Which, by the way, is a good thing for anyone to do. I suffer from depression and anxiety, which at times makes me paranoid that nobody likes me and they are just humouring what I say. Sometimes I think that people are talking behind my back about me and saying that I am just making excuses about my health to get out of events or just being lazy. I often feel that I have failed everything and everyone and that my life is a joke, leading to thinking about suicide or hurting myself. I have nightmares all the time, some are silly, some are due to abuse I suffered during my childhood, and some are just plain creepy and weird. Currently I see a great psychologist, who has spent many years helping me understand and deal with my issues. Yes I do take medication, less now than a few years ago.
So thats all the bad stuff out of the way, like I said I try not to let it define me as a person. I have a wonderful partner. Me and Chris have been together for nearly 4 years now. I don't have any children myself, but Chris has 3 to a previous marrige that I spend time with. My babies all have fur. There is Ebony (mini fox terrier), Mushu (Old man fluffy cat), Houdini (scaredy cat), and Jazz (cat and lover of fluffy things). As I cannot currently hold a job I study through OUA online. I like to make sure I am doing something to keep me occupied. 
I would love to hear from others with BPD and your experiances in life.

Nai <3